can a country be responsible for terrorism?
just look at european and u.s. history. how different is it, to drop bombs
on innocent civilians then to leave a basket full of explosives. both kill
those that are not directly responsible. if non-governmental terrorist groups
could get a hold of b-2 bombers and tanks/submarines and what not, they wouldn't
stop being terrorists. a terrorist is someone/group that frightens innocent
people with the threat of death, make people don't feel secure about walking
in the stree to school/hospital, how secure do iraqies feel right now?
03.31.03
poets and educators have a lot to live up to. i'm both. my words are recorded by pages and students. i have to back up what i say with my life. everytime i write a poem, i create a vision about things. sometimes it's a sad vision, but many times it's a hopeful way of looking at my life and the world. i identify what's wrong with things, and imply an alternative, a different way of existing with others. other people read it. so i'm expected to live up to my writings, at least i feel i am.
same thing with teaching. when i talk to my students about bush's war against poor people of color. how it's about oil and power. i'm saying that i'm not like bush, i don't have those interests. so where do i stand? i always feel i need to be honest and say what i think. i'm not neutral. i try to educate our youth about all the -ism (i.e. homophobia, sexism, racism) and how to grow out of those sicknesses and also how to defend oneself from such. so, that means that i must not act in a sexist way for example. it's not easy, but i try.
i'm also a father.and my one year old its a mirror, emulating everything we do. when i cough, she does also. she wants to eat what i'm eating. press the button. drive! she's learning from me. i don't want her to lear "bad" things. so i have to live up to my believes. i don't want to be one of those people that know a lot of politics, but it's more for fashion/to look cool. then they graduate from college and forget about Xicanism@ and try to "work within the system." (more on this another day).
alejandra checks me and i like that. sometimes i act machista and she lets me know right away. we have to start with our own relationships/interactions with others.
another thing i'm guilty of, is criminalizing our youth. if i walk by a group of young guys, and they are dressed cholo style or being loud, i feel nervous. but i know that it's all in my head, so i force myself to say hi (by nodding/"what's up") or say good morning. so far, everyone has welcomed and returned the greeting.
these folks are my people/i'm one of us.
we all colonized, to some degree or another. but it's tough not to be colonized. i feel i have to keep reinventing myself. there's no models around me. who i'm i suppossed to be like, where is my male figure to build my model/base. the people that have inspired me to be free have been women. June Jordan was the major figure in my life on how to be free (i was never close to her, but i did had a couple of good moments with her, plus all the stories of other people, as well as her writtings, her amazing life). there's other women i admire, like Xeri Moraga, who I took a class with, an obviously my mother and grandmother, although the last two stand as models of sacrifice/commitment/devotion for their children. my mother has a strong will and determination, i only wish i had that too.
i also have good friends that i learn a lot from, like Beto, Jose, and Julio: three xingon xicanos with strong convictions. and an ex-roomate(i think we are still friends, eventhough we don't talk/see each other, where are you?) Jeanarae, who taught me a lot about poetry (i write too much like your style, get it out, but not as good) oh, actually, there has been a male figure that i have admired, my high school teacher Mr. Lopez. (Jose is going to tease me about this) and although no one's perfect, he did push my abilities to places i didn't know i could go.
i write cuz i don't want to forget.
i dreamed with June a couple of weeks ago, and i can't remember what the dream was about anymore. i think i was helping her walk to the stand, she was going to speak to class, i think. i felt her so thin, but she wanted to speak. man, i don't know what this means, if anything. but i kind of like to think that it's something in me that tells me that i have to keep June's commitment to the struggle alive through me, i have to help carry June's message to the mic. or it was just a dream. but the wish is real. i need to live up to what i believe.
sin miendo