03.03.03
XXX
"La vida es un sueño y los sueños sueños son."
I want to do many things in my life. I want to travel, study theater and video
production. I want to write lots of poetry and meet people.
When?
Todo a su tiempo. Things will come.
Cuando?
I'm currently struggling to make a decision. My hands are on the wheel and I have
come to a crossroad. Una encruzijada. Go back to school and get my PhD, or work, get some teaching experience and get money. My family needs money.
I have a daughter to take care of, I want her to have everything she needs.
Today was the second time I read poetry at Napa Valley College. A small
community college from the city of wine. Lots of vineyards around here.
Anyways, today was the second day that I ventured with my "poet @ work" sign and my painting and read poetry in the open. To no one in particular. I just read poetry. Some people stopped to lisen, then left. A woman invited me to read this thursday at some festival they are having at the college. I said yes, only latter to realize that I'm working during those hours.
The first time I read, no one stopped at all, only peackocks strolled by, tilted their head eyeing me. The college has about five peackocks that live there. I don't know exactly why, but is nice to see them around. So, the only ones interested in my words were the peackocks, and I thank them. A poem should come out of this, agustín y los pavo reales.
I want to do many things in life. One day I will die and I want to go knowing that I had a good impact in the world. I also feel that my own growth is tied to that of my daughter. That if I go after my dreams my daughter also will. Ojala.
I hope Alejandra also has the courage to go after her dreams.
Sometimes we blame each other for not having the freedom to do what we want. To study or do our work (painting/writing). But is not my fault. I know that I'm older than her, but is not my fault. I did not steal her youth, I did not tricked her into anything. Neither did she. We have regrets and we blame eachother for our own mistakes. But is not her fault or mine. We made choices. Cause and effect. And things can make us stronger and wiser, I guess if about perception. I hope I'm strong enough to make the right decisions, even if they are hard ones.
I just bought a digital video camera. I been wanting one for the longest time. It takes digital pictures and is the type that you can connect to a computer and do video editing. I'm happy about it cuz I'm going to New York and I want to capture those moments, or at least some images of those moments. I'm going with Poetry for the People folks. I know will have a good time.
Alejandra says I waste my money. That there are more pressing needs that we can use the money for. I know. But I'm working full time and I'll make sure to give her enough for Quetzalli, at least.
I may teach this Summer at my old high school, Alisal High in Salinas. I hope I get to teach English or History. The principal said that she'll let me know of any openings. I know some people there who I know will put the good word for me.
The good word. There are many good words. Freedom. Justice. Dignity. I want to make them part of my being, not just my vocabulary.
La poesía debe correr, like a wide river. My throat is a geyser, at the verge of eruption.
vida y movimiento.
peace
ps. Ale got her webpage http://home.csumb.edu/o/osegueraalejandrar/world